BREAKING NEWS
Manchester City and the Premier League are both claiming victory – of course – after the champions challenged its rules on commercial deals.
THE NEED FOR SPEED
As if scoring a goal inside the opening minute of three consecutive top-flight matches wasn’t remarkable enough, the manner in which Brentford managed to do so without going on to win any of the games in question rather beggars belief. The first defeat was understandable, with Yoane Wissa taking the foolhardy decision to hoof the hornet’s nest at the home of the champions after just 23 seconds. And while there was a certain inevitability about the Bees’ ensuing defeat, it did not go unnoticed that Manchester City were reduced to employing the dark arts to help close out the win a whole week before they would accuse Arsenal of inventing time-wasting. Against Tottenham, Bryan Mbeumo took a second less to hook the ball past Guglielmo Vicario in a game Brentford also went on to lose, while the volley he spanked past Alphonse Areola after 37 seconds against West Ham was only be enough to earn his side a draw. Thomas Frank’s side had scored three goals against three different sides inside 90 seconds of combined action but just a solitary point to show for it.
Clearly something had to change and against Wolves, Brentford adopted a different approach, losing the pre-match coin-toss and waiting a full 75 seconds to score pretty much the same goal for the fourth game in a row. Send players forward, get the ball launched and then whack in a cross for whoever happens to be completely unmarked in the opposition penalty area to steer goalwards. Considering the first recorded game of association football was played in 1863, it seems amazing that nobody has ever thought of doing this before. And considering Brentford had scored early goals in their previous three games, prompting forensic dissections of their approach, it seems even more amazing that Gary O’Neil’s Wolves were so totally unprepared for this eventuality.
“We lost the coin-toss,” deadpanned Frank upon being asked what took his team so long to trouble the scoreboard operator. “We’ve been practicing coin-tosses all week and clearly [Christian] Nørgaard didn’t do well enough so it took a little bit longer this time. It’s fantastic, there’s a great mentality in the group.” Of course, one group in which it could be argued there is not a similarly great mentality is that which represents Wolverhampton Wanderers, who currently sit bottom of the Premier League table with one point from seven games. Never one to swing gleefully from the chandeliers even at the best of times, O’Neil was particularly morose following his side’s latest defeat.
Despite describing their 5-3 capitulation as “the worst performance I’ve seen from the group since I’ve been here” and pointing out that “even when we had the ball we were all over the place”, O’Neil was not about to throw any of his charges under the bus. “I accept full responsibility,” he martyred. “Players will make mistakes and get things wrong but the responsibility lies with me.” Whether or not his employers agree, it’s worth noting they sanctioned the sale of two of their best players in Max Kilman and Pedro Neto during the summer, without providing O’Neil adequate replacements and during his post-match musings with some journalists, Mario Lemina mounted a stirring post-match defence of his gaffer. “If you say Gary O’Neil is the problem then you are cheaters and liars,” he declared to bemused hacks, demonstrating considerably more bite than in his 90 minutes on the pitch.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m a huge football fan and definitely a fan of [his]. I’ve not met him yet but I would certainly love to – as well as other sports people who I admire who play chess” – Magnus Carlsen is ready to take to the board against another Liverpool star, after revealing how much he’d like to play Mohamed Salah (here’s what happened when the Norwegian played Trent Alexander-Arnold), but also reveals that his fantasy team isn’t faring so well this season (“it’s horrible”).
View image in fullscreenA former fantasy football star, earlier. Photograph: Martin Godwin/The Guardian
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
The endless letters about letters (Football Daily letters passim) are getting out of hand. I think we need to understand that we’re in a process and that the prizeless letters of the week and the selection of them can only really be judged at the end of the internet. The letter writing and judging processes need time, and no doubt most people involved are knacked. Etc, etc” – Dean Haigh.
I was enjoying the Belfast derby this weekend, except for the sneaking tendency to refer to it as the ‘Bel Clasico’. Please stop. Not everything has to be a pun on ‘El Clásico’. We’ll be calling the Manchester derby the ‘Arndale Clasico’ next, though given one team is full of expensive but shonky tat and the other simply bought everything, this might be appropriate” – Jon Millard.
Allow me to join the 1,057 pedants in pointing out that ‘making [food item]’ (Friday’s letters) is the typical American expression for preparing food to be eaten. The real question of interest here is why Karim Adeyemi, a German footballer who has never (to my knowledge) lived across the pond, is being taught American culinary idioms in English lessons. Almost as if they think Americans are the better cooks” – Harriet Osborn.
An interesting piece on Arsenal’s Paul Davis (Friday’s Still Want More, full email edition). I never realised Bobby Robson had called up the gifted midfielder, because I knew he had no England caps. I worked in Lloyd’s of London and regularly spoke to Robson’s son about who should be in or out of the squad. For several years, I pleaded a case for Davis, only to be told that Robson senior thought he was too slow. I said ‘he’s like Tigana of France’. To no avail, apparently he wasn’t rated. I still remember Davis well and regardless, he should have played for England” – Colin Grant.
I was going to write a disparaging letter about Football Daily having never met my needs so couldn’t possibly lose sight of them, but then I realised I have never hit ‘unsubscribe’ so you must be doing something right. Instead, I’ll thank you for reminding me about A Certain Trigger and the great penultimate song (Friday’s last line, full email edition), and for the hilarious image of Football Daily attempting to be an acrobat” – Alec Johns.
Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Dean Haigh, who lands a copy of The Football Weekly Book. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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